and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
