Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize