p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
