Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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