so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
