Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
