so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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