y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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