masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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