I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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