Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
