I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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