The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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