Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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