Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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