You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
