in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
