yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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