Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
