I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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