Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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