Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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