i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
