i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
