Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
