I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
