none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
