Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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