I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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