Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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