hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who died my cat blue again?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
