btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
