What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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