just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
