I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
