Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
