You're earring is so big in my mouth
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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