my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
