Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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