Your tits are I can't wait for
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
