i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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