I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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