To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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