There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
