dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
