Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
