he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
