i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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