george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
