Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
