You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize