I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
