I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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