Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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