You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
