i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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