Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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