I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
