Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
