Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
