he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
