i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
