i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
