The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
