Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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