piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
