I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
