we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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